Chapter One - Theory of Relativity

Chapter One

~Theory of Relativity~

“Yeah, screw you,” I mumbled as I slammed the door behind me.

God, Professor Grady was such a fucking prick. That asshole had the audacity to tell me that I was out of line? Did he even know who Albert Einstein was? I sat and listened to his drivel for sometime before I just exploded from exasperation. It was obvious to anyone with half of a brain that he had no clue what the fuck he was talking about, and quite frankly, that shit was just embarrassing.

“Mr. Cullen, did you even read my synopsis? Because with your arrogant display of knowledge, I find that this class is not for you. You either can accept what I teach or leave. The choice is entirely yours,” Professor Grady told me.

Ugh, fucking asshole.

Of course I got up and left. How dare he sit there and call me arrogant. Fuck him, I’d rather be arrogant dick than an ignorant inbreed like him.  I mean, the professors at Northwestern University were all second rate, at best. I had a hard time seeing why this school was talked about so highly…someone, at some point in time, dropped the fucking ball. They should fire every one of those losers and start off with a clean slate, because what they had now was just trailer park quality.

Fuck me, I need a cigarette.

 If I was going to have to put up with five more hours of school, I sure as hell needed a stiff coffee and a strong smoke. It was the only way I was going to keep my sanity. It was just a matter of time before my temper got my ass in trouble, couple more of these little tantrums of mine, and my parents were going to have to intervene.

That was the last thing I needed.

 I knew damn well that I was a cocky asshole, but I didn’t give a shit. It wasn’t my fault that I was a good looking guy who came from a wealthy family. Opportunity was given to me, and I was going to use it to its full advantages.

“Morning, Edward,” a soft purr came from behind me.

Speaking of which…

Women. That was one of the many things I didn’t have to work hard for. These bitches laid it out for me every time, and all I had to do was give them a little smirk. Ha! Sometimes, not even that. Case in point, the girl that was purring my name and draping herself all over me like a cheap suit, her name was Lauren Mallory. The first time I crossed paths with her was back in freshman year. I was at some random kegger, and within the first five minutes of meeting her, the girl got down on her knees and gave me the best head I’d ever had. And as an added bonus, she swallowed that shit. The girl was crazy. She never ceased to amaze me with all the kinky shit she thought up.

Like now for instance, she had her hands practically down my pants, and she didn’t care if we were standing in the middle of student common area or if hundreds of people were openly gawking at us. She got off on it. She was always down for some random, out of the blue fucking, and I never complained.

Why would I? I was living the life most men would give their left nut for.

“Lauren,” I said indifferently as I turned around to face her.

 “What are you doing, handsome?” she asked in a low, sensual voice.

“Mmm,” I hummed into her ear, “you.”

She let out a small giggle, which made me smile to myself. It wouldn’t be too long before I had her bent over somewhere.

“Well, I have a little time before my World Religions class…you want to go…somewhere?” she asked, hopeful as she looked up at me with her big blue eyes, pressing her ample chest into me, and biting down on her bottom lip.

It was all so contrived, but I didn’t mind. She was sexy in her own way. The body on her was amazing. She had an ass that I could bounce quarters off of, and her breasts were huge, they were obviously fake—but of course, that never stopped me from wanting motor boat them. The only thing that was lacking was…personality, but I didn’t keep her ass around because she was such a conversationalist. In fact, most women I’ve come across never had the skill to keep me mentally enthralled. It was just the way it was.

Emmett said it was because I surrounded myself with skanks, but I begged to differ; they just didn’t give a shit about anything beyond celebrities and fashion. Who was I to judge them?

“That sounds…” I paused as I thought over my afternoon agenda.

Shit, what a fucking dilemma. Do I take her up on the good, quick screw she was offering? Or do I keep my plans with Emmett at the coffee shop?

Fuck!

Ass or coffee? Coffee or ass? Do I want a black coffee with two sugars or a tight, wet pussy? How in the hell was I expected to make a decision like this? Who the fuck was I…Socrates? I doubt that ancient douche would know what to do. Luckily, the sudden vibration of my phone distracted me from my thoughts.

 Callously, I pushed Lauren away from me as I reached into my pocket and answered my phone, but before I could even say hello, I had a larger than life voice ranting loudly at me. “What the fuck, bitch, did we not agree on ten thirty? I swear to god, if you ditched me for one of your skanks, I’m going to fuck you up so bad.”

I glanced at my watch and saw that it was only ten thirty-two. Emmett was always exaggerating shit, and he knew damn well that I wasn’t that late, but he hated having to wait on me. Apparently, I had a bad habit of showing up twenty minutes—okay, maybe an hour at times—late to where ever I need to be. And now, Emmett was only giving me a two minute grace period before he called me out on it. Fuck, he could be a little bitch sometimes.

“Dude, you’re such a drama queen,” I spat, pulling a cigarette out from my pocket. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

I snapped my phone shut and turned back to look at Lauren. She was glaring at me.

“Sorry, rain check?” I asked, smirking.

She had her arms folded over her chest, looking at me like she wanted me dead.

“Sure, whatever, Edward. Do what you want. You always do,” she pouted.

“Awe, don’t be that way, baby” I said as I pecked her chastely on her cheek.

 I slapped her hard on her ass, letting her know that I would be hitting that shit later, and of course, the moment I flashed her one of my Cullen smiles, all was forgiven.

“Call me later, dick,” she said teasingly as she pushed me away from her.

Like I said, this shit was fucking easy.

I gave her a quick wink as I walked away. Lighting up my cigarette, I took a long drag. It was definitely what I needed. The sex would’ve been amazing, but Emmett would’ve never forgiven me, and I really was craving some fucking coffee.

The coffee shop was located right off campus, and I managed to make it there by the time I finished my second cigarette. From the street, I saw that my best friend, Emmett, was sitting on the patio waiting for me. It was such an odd sight to see a huge guy like him in a coffee shop. He should’ve been in a sports bar, chugging back a large quantities of beer; instead, he was sipping on a fucking latte.

“Sorry, bro, I got caught up for a minute,” I greeted as I took a seat next to him.

“Yeah, yeah…so who was it this time?” Emmett asked, pushing my coffee towards me.

“Did you put sugar in this?” I asked. He shook his head as I quickly grabbed two sugars, pulling the lid off the coffee, and making my brew just perfect. I looked back up at him, and he had his eyebrow cocked at me. I chuckled. “Who says it was someone and not something?”

“Because I fucking know you, and I know the only thing that ever distracts you is some bimbo with a large rack and a short skirt. Dude, when are you going to drop those skanks and get with someone real?” Emmett asked all fucking serious.

Great, not this shit again.

I groaned, “I’m having a good time, what’s the harm in that? Will you please stop trying to marry me off? I’m only twenty one for Christ sakes.”

“You better be wrapping that shit up, man; you don’t know what girls are carrying these days,” Emmett warned.

I rolled my eyes at him because he was starting to sound like a broken record. Since the moment he got with his current girlfriend, Rosalie, he’s been on this path of relationship righteousness, and has been trying to recruit my cousin Jasper and me ever since. He was more extreme with me, though; I was the one sentenced to eternal damnation with all my sexual escapades. In all truthfulness, I only had two girls I was seeing on a regular basis. However, I was never the one to turn down some random one night stand.

It seemed like I was wasting food or something.

“Is this why you invited me out for coffee? To make sure I was practicing safe sex?” I asked, cynically.

“No, not really, I just keep hoping that one of these days you’ll actually listen to me for once.”

“Well, duly noted. Now, do you want to tell me what this social visit is about?” I questioned, suspiciously.

As of late, we haven’t been hanging out as much. He was with his woman all the time and I had finals coming out of my ass. It was getting hectic, and I knew something had to be important for him to suggest getting together in the middle of the day. The reality of the situation made me nervous.

I held my breath.

“I’m getting kicked out of my dorm in a couple of days, and I need a place to crash,” he said in a rushed voice.

“That’s it?” I asked, relieved.

“Yeah, that’s it. What do you mean, that’s it?” Emmett asked offended.

“Well, dude, you could have asked me this shit over the phone,” I laughed. I took a sip of my coffee. “However, I did need this.”

He narrowed his eyes at me, “So you’re cool with me crashing at your place?”

“Of course I am. You’re my best friend, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Honestly?” he asked hesitantly, “I assumed you would want your place to yourself and your array of skanks.”

I threw up my hands in frustration. “Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, they’re not skanks, asshole, and two, it’s not like it’s every god damn night. Give me some credit.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out so badly,” Emmett said apologetically.

“Besides, it’s not like I can’t fuck them at their place,” I said, winking.

He shook his head at me, giving me a small smile. “There’s the Edward I know and love.”

I smiled as I watched him sip on his frothy, vanilla latte. He shot a glance at me, giving a questioning look, and I just started laughing.

“What?” he whined.

“You... What’s up with you and this vanilla latte shit? It’s a bitch drink, Em,” I snickered.

“It’s not a bitch drink. It’s fucking delicious and I suggest you give it a try…” he trailed off, looking behind me.

“What?” I asked curiously, spinning around in my chair.

All I saw was a sea of people and I was confused at what exactly we were looking at. Turning back around, I saw that Emmett had set down his latte, leaning into me, like he was forming a little huddle. I leaned in closer to the fag, just to humor him.

“What’s going on?” I whispered.

“Now, that’s the woman for you,” Emmett whispered back. I swung back around at the mention of woman, and he grabbed my arm roughly.

Keeping my head faced towards him; I felt my excitement bubbling up for this so called perfect woman for me. Not that I could promise Emmett anything special, but his taste in women was always top notch. He watched as I stayed glued to my seat, unable to do anything else. I was losing my patience fast.

“Don’t look now, fucker…shit, she’s coming this way. Don’t fucking look. We’ll get caught,” he hissed quietly.

“I’m not looking, asshole,” I growled, irritated.

“You should go talk to her,” Emmett urged me.

“Who? I fucking don’t know what she looks like. For all I know she could look like your Aunt Claire,” I sneered.

“Fuck you, my Aunt Claire is hot and too good for you,” Emmett defended his sixty year old aunt with the massive hair growth problem.

“You’re right, mustaches aren’t my thing,” I said teasingly.

He pushed back from me, folding his arms over his chest like a pouting child. “Fine, I ain’t helping you. You can find Ms. Right your damn self!”

“I was joking, Em, come on don’t be like that. Where is she? I promise to behave,” I swore. “Scouts honor.”

He scoffed, “You were never a scout, douche.”

“True, but do you know anyone who uses that line who was an actual boy scout?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“So, cut me some slack, dude. Where is she?” I asked, looking behind me, and seeing no one.

“She’s in the coffee shop, but I’m not going to point her out to you. I want you to find her yourself,” he stated adamantly.

“Sounds like a challenge,” I said, intrigued.

“You up for it?” he countered.

I was up and moving before I even said yes. The regular days of pointing out a hot chick were long gone, and now there was a game of spot and seek. Well, I just decided that was what we were doing. Entering the coffee shop, I roamed the many faces, looking for my perfect woman. However, what I found was disappointing. Sure there were hot girls in there, but none that really stuck out. It was the same old bullshit. Blonde, skinny, big boobs…yadda, yadda.

It was pointless, and as I turned around to head back out, I noticed that Emmett was frowning at me. He was disappointed, well, not as much as I was. Giving up on my search, I started to walk towards the door and I saw that he was begging me with his eyes to give it another try. I almost didn’t, because what started off as fun was now becoming tedious.

But I relented and turned my ass back around to search for the unknown goddess. Like before, I saw the same people. The coffee shop was so crowded, making it hard to walk around or to really see anybody. So, I decided to head towards the back where the bathrooms were. If I didn’t find my perfect woman on the way there, I could at least use the facilities. The coffee was starting to push against my bladder.

Squeezing through the crowd, I slowly made my way back towards the bathrooms. Suddenly, I bumped into something or someone. It was hard to tell because it wasn’t in my eye level range, but what was shocking was the strong electrical current that shot through me. It startled the fuck out of me, making me stumble back a few steps. I would’ve fallen on my ass if it weren’t for the small hand that reached out and grabbed my shirt, pulling me upright, and stabilizing me.

“Whoa, there cowboy, you alright?” a soft, harmonic voice asked.

Looking down, I saw these large chocolate brown eyes staring back up at me. The smile on her lips was coy, like she was amused with something. The woman was fucking stunning. Her dark, chestnut hair was pulled back tightly into a bun, showcasing her flawless and luminous skin.

Fuck me, did I just say luminous?

It was the only way I could describe such beauty. My senses were lost, and I had no idea how to respond. Never had I been so fucking speechless and I always had something suave to say.

“Hello?” she asked, her brow furrowing with confusion.

I gulped…loudly.

Fucking say something!

“I was…” I stopped talking abruptly.

She smiled sweetly at me, and I just about fucking lost it. My eyes stared at her lips. They looked so soft, red in hue, and fucking plump. They were so full and not the Angelina Jolie freakish full, but the kissable, bite the bottom lip, full.

My dick hardened instantly.

“You were?” she said, trying to coax a sentence out of me.

Get your shit together, I chastised myself.

I was starting to get pathetic. If I didn’t say something soon, she was really going to think I was mentally handicapped or something. How fucking long had I been there opening gawking at her? What the fuck was my problem? She was just a woman. Nothing special. She was just this unbelievably, gorgeous beyond words woman…why the fuck hadn’t I said anything yet?

“I’m sorry, I was just heading to the lavatories,” I finally blurted out.

Lavatories? What the fuck?

She bobbed her head in understanding, “Ah, I see. Well, from someone who just came from the lavatories, I must warn you, the line is steep.”

“Oh, okay. Thank you,” I replied lamely.

We stood there looking at each other awkwardly. Her hand was still rested on my shirt, and I looked down at her delicate hand. She immediately removed it.

“Well, if you will excuse me,” she said, trying to squeeze past me.

It was the weirdest feeling. There was this need to wrap her in my arms and ravage her, but my body refused to be moved. It was unlike me to be off my game like I was, and as I watched her tiny form walk away from me, I knew I had to act. If I didn’t do it now, who knew if I would ever see her again...

“Excuse me,” I said breathless.

She turned around, looking at me with a perplexed expression. I shoved past the people as I approached her.

“I was wondering if I could get your number,” I pronounced semi-confidently.

“My number?” she asked with disbelief.

“Yeah, is that okay?” I asked nervously.

She took a small step towards me. The heat radiating off her petite frame was intoxicating. She smelled so fucking good, and I had to fight back the urge to inhale her, because I could already feel myself getting light headed.

What’s happening to me?

“You don’t even know me,” she said, almost harshly.

“But, I want to.”

“No, you don’t,” she said sternly…warningly. “Trust me.”

I shook head, disagreeing with her, “But I do.”

She let out a heavy sigh, “You look like a good kid and I would hate to ruin that,” she gave me a sad smile as she patted me softly on my chest. The innocent touch was so electrifying. “Take care.”

 Before I had a chance to argue with her, she was walking away from me. Unable to let her leave, I followed her out, only to be blocked by a shit load of people. I could barely see the top of her head as she exited the coffee shop and slipping forever out of my grasp.

“Fuck,” I growled.

Defeated, I returned outside and saw Emmett smiling at me. He looked mighty proud of himself, but I was pissed. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve never known she existed. Now, that I did, and I couldn’t have her…it infuriated me.

As I slumped into the hard iron chair to sulk, I noticed him out of the corner of my eye, looking at me expectantly.

“You saw her, didn’t you?” he asked, fucking bouncing out of his seat.

“Yeah,” I answered bitterly.

“Why the long face, man?” he asked, confused.

“She shot me down, Em!” I grumbled.

“Really? Well that’s odd, because she left with a huge ass smile on her face and you guys were in there talking to each other for like ever. I thought things were going good.”

“What are you talking about? She left smiling?” I asked, shocked but hopeful as I sat up in my chair.

“Oh yeah, that girl looked really fucking happy when she left,” Emmett confirmed.

“No kidding? I asked for her number, but she refused to give it to me. She said something along the lines like I didn’t know her or some shit.”

“Huh…Well, like I said you guys were in there with each other for at least ten minutes. What the fuck did you guys talk about then?” he asked, mystified.

I looked at him skeptically, “Ten minutes? Bull fucking shit. Stop exaggerating!”

“I’m not exaggerating, if anything, I’m underestimating the time. I’m telling you, you guys were in there for a longfucking time. If you don’t believe me, look at your watch,” Emmett said, heatedly.

Taking his advice, I looked down at my watch and saw that it was already eleven twenty five…what? He was right, I couldn’t remember the exact time I went into the coffee shop, but I knew I got there at around ten forty. It was hard for me to comprehend everything that happened in that short amount of time. How could time go by so fast without me even realizing it?

Fucking Professor Grady…

Then it all became crystal clear to me. Everything in life was chopped up into small moments, some quicker than others.

It was like the theory of relativity.

You put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

Albert Einstein knew what the fuck he was talking about all along.