It was such a double-edge sword because on one aspect, I wanted to tell her everything. I needed someone to vent to about my problems—someone who could possibly understand my fucking struggles and help me through them, but I couldn’t get past that nagging fear of rejection. I didn’t want my Mistress—I didn’t want Bella—to see me in such a poor light. As this fucking weak and pathetic man who didn’t have the courage to stand up to his family or friends and profess the truth of his love for the BDSM lifestyle…regardless of the consequences and where it led him.
Even though I was her sub and will be until the day that she cast me away, I also needed her to see me as more than that. I wanted her to see me as a man that she could one day, possibly, consider being with.
In the end, I wanted Bella to know me more than anything and that need took precedence over my pride.

Edward Cullen ~ Chapter Twenty One




Friday, January 14, 2011

~Chapter Seventeen Teaser~


“What is your safe word, Edward?” my Mistress repeated, this time she had loosened her grip on my hair and was bent down at the knees so she could get face to face with me.
My mind tried really fucking hard to concentrate on the question she was asking, but with her mouth just a mere inches away from mine and her soft breath wafting over me, intoxicating all of my senses, I found it to be quite difficult to not attack her lips with a feverish kiss—let alone try to form a coherent god damned sentence.
Fuck! Answer her!
Why couldn’t I fucking think straight? What was about her that turned my every thought into complete mush anytime she was near? It wasn’t like the question she asked was some epic brain teaser. In fact, I’d been thinking about this particular topic for a long time now.
What the fuck was my safe word?
Bella chuckled softy as she cupped the side of my face. “It’s okay if you don’t have one. We can choose one together, but we to both need to be in agreement about it. It’s important to have a word that’s easy for you to remember and the both of us can recognize during our play.”
It was like I became a fucking mute, and as much as I wanted to respond to her, I couldn’t. All I could do was stare at her, my eyes roaming over her beautiful face as she smiled warmly. There was something very different about the way she looked at me and it didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t being punished…
 

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