It was such a double-edge sword because on one aspect, I wanted to tell her everything. I needed someone to vent to about my problems—someone who could possibly understand my fucking struggles and help me through them, but I couldn’t get past that nagging fear of rejection. I didn’t want my Mistress—I didn’t want Bella—to see me in such a poor light. As this fucking weak and pathetic man who didn’t have the courage to stand up to his family or friends and profess the truth of his love for the BDSM lifestyle…regardless of the consequences and where it led him.
Even though I was her sub and will be until the day that she cast me away, I also needed her to see me as more than that. I wanted her to see me as a man that she could one day, possibly, consider being with.
In the end, I wanted Bella to know me more than anything and that need took precedence over my pride.
Edward Cullen ~ Chapter Twenty One
